I’m Back.
So here I am. Staring at the laptop screen, waiting for a topic to pop in my head. But I guess the easiest way to start generating a writing mood is to just start writing. Like this, I’m rambling about crap, and I’ve just considered writing about my first two weeks of being a sophomore.
Basically… it’s been a blast! Seriously, it has. For starters, I must have created a dozen dumb first impressions for my professors because of coming late to class UNINTENTIONALLY (take note of that. I’m TRYING to change my late ways.), submitting papers with the wrong format, and not answering questions they’ve raised extensively. For seconds, for the first time in my life, I’ve missed a quiz because I came to class late. It sucked. I arrived exactly when they were already passing their bluebooks forward. And I was like, “Shit. I missed it.” I think I nearly cursed out loud. I wasn’t even on the verge of crying, like I would’ve been if it were 3 years earlier. I was just so frustrated, because it perfectly capped off the beginning of my sophomore life. When the professor started discussing the next topic, I was barely even listening. I hated the fact that he was differentiating formal, informal, and nonformal education, which were the things that intrigued me to read that exact section of that darned book. It was even what I wrote about for my paper in the subject’s recitation class. I might not have gotten a perfect score in that quiz if I’d taken it (because the quiz was about those three), but at least I probably would’ve gained a score, instead of zero. All I got was attendance. For enders, I keep staying up late reading stuff and writing things, that during the day I yawn repeatedly, and all I want to do is lie down in bed and dream away. It’s like I totally know that school has started and stuff, and I’m back at being diligent in doing things, but it doesn’t seem to show.. I plan, act, and act some more, but when the day starts I look like I’ve done nothing; like everything I did did not pay off because of some flaw. It’s hard to explain. All I know is, my brain’s been scattered everywhere for the past few weeks, and I seem to have some big problem, but I don’t, and I just don’t understand myself yet for the time being.
Run on much. Yesterday was fun though. I enjoyed LTS, thank God. It’s actually one of the few things I look forward to every week. In fact, it might be the only thing I look forward to….. Just kidding. I hate that there are assignments for that subject, but I guess no class can function without assignments. It’s too bad that it’s only every Friday. Fridays have been the only constant good day for me lately. I would’ve said Wednesdays and Fridays, but on second thought, my Wednesdays are filled with recitation classes which are brutal, and my Fridays with LTS.
Anyhow… That’s all for now.. Just felt like updating this dratted site… I’m sleepy now; I attended a wedding earlier. I wasn’t exactly part of it–I was just a guest. But preparing for it made me beat. I got a new haircut (actually it was just a trim.) and bangs. That’s reason enough to celebrate.
Parallelism Between Concepts in School and in Real Life.
One can want so much…
I am reminded of my Economics class, where Professors break their necks getting students to understand the fundamental concept of it all: wants are unlimited, and resources scarce.
It’s almost funny how it can also apply to things abstract. But then again, most academic concepts are; we just don’t know it at the time when its being discussed in class. As time goes by and we experience more of what life has to offer, it is then that we remember the lessons we learned at school.
Currently, I seem to have a thirst for so many things, and they’re not all concrete. Yes, I do want more books than I already own (I’m quite a collector, reader, and materialist…), a closet-full of new clothes that will promote a new look, my personal laptop, the latest camera that I can actually afford, and… the list will go on. But most recently, I have noticed my want to meet new people and bond with them, plus my sudden but not wholly unexpected interest in a person I thought I’d forgotten long ago… A person I have not talked to in years. A person I always kind of ‘go back’ to liking.
I don’t regard this recurring sense of liking as a negative thing, but I most certainly want it to go away. It’s unhealthy for me to keep doing this to myself. The thing is, I’m not. Of course such things are necessarily involuntary; If they weren’t, it would be too easy. I’d be able to control my feelings for the guy. On the other hand, those that admire me who get nothing in return from moi would also be capable of driving their emotions away. Oh. That last statement? That is if anyone is at all interested in me.
Anyway, I guess we all have to go through suffering. Without it we’d never learn.
At least admitting to myself that I am still in the cycle of liking one single person over and over again has helped me realize that I’m still a normal, functioning human being.
‘Cause I almost thought I wasn’t anymore. All I do everyday is watch movies online, eat, read, and write. Not much of a life. Not much at all.
Sudden Realization.
School days really are nearing… I’ve kind of said that before, you know, with ’summer is about to end’ but it takes a whole new perspective when you stress what’s coming. Personally, I have a lot of plans for this school year. I really want to meet new people and develop friendships; I desperately want to move on with my life and do something new. I think sometimes the only way to let go of whatever hurt you in the past is to go out into the world and start over, instead of moping around and wallowing over your misery. Just let yourself see sights you’ve never seen or feel things you never have, and the process of moving on takes hold. It’s hard, I bet, and I’ve only just learned that it could be so more effective than avoiding human contact for fear of getting hurt again. I anticipate the looming school days with open arms; I expect so many new students that I could possibly bond with. Hopefully, my recipe for self-improvement and personal growth will prove itself efficacious. Hopefully…
