Got Nowhere Else to Go.

Yesterday my parents and I registered for the elections next year. I’d been looking forward to doing so all semester but we never found the “right time.” Luckily, the process was quick and we didn’t take too long.

I don’t quite know what excited me about registering. Maybe it was the idea of being old enough to be able to do something so important. In any case, I’m not exactly psyched for the elections… Who knows who our next president will  be. I can’t help being pessimistic about the politics here, but I do sincerely hope change will come. People are tired; it’s time for a clean and honest election.

When I was a kid, what I loved most in the world next to my family wasn’t my barbie dolls, but music. It would serve as my companion when I found it hard to fall asleep at night.

See, I had sleeping problems as a child, and my parents didn’t know what to do to help me sleep. Sometimes my mom would sleep beside me and assure me that God was watching over me and that He would let me sleep, but she found it taxing to keep doing that all the time. So my parents gave me this old radio they had lying around (which was later replaced with an Aiwa boombox), taught me how to operate it, and told me to just listen to music because it might make me sleepy. It worked, but it took a while.

Eventually I got hooked to the radio stations and found a favorite–Delilah’s station. It’s a lot like Home Radio here in the Philippines, except people get to phone in (on air) their requests. Sometimes kids would dedicate songs to their parents. When that would happen, I’d think about dedicating something to my parents. But I never got around to doing it. I was too afraid my parents would freak out if I did.

So anyway, Delilah would play songs usually about love. I got acquainted with her favorites like Valentine and I Swear. But a song I really liked was Back at One by Brian McKnight.

I remembered it tonight because I kind of am. Back at One, I mean. Back at Square One, even.

I thought I finally had a good thing going–with the sembreak being near and all, and me finally admitting to myself that I was crushing on someone–but things took a giant turn when I discovered something unpleasant, which I don’t even feel like posting here.

So there. I’m sad. But not completely. Like a crush is such a big deal.. Because if you haven’t gathered yet, it’s about him.

I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all